This week, I repeated over and over again these words:
"May all individuals gain freedom from suffering"
"May all individuals find sustained health, happiness and wholeness"
"May I assist all individuals from gaining freedom from suffering"
"May I assist all individuals in finding health, and wholeness"
As I repeated these things throughout my days, it felt great, however, I also found myself feeling incredibly sad when bad things were happening around me, and I didn't know how to help. With the risk of sounding incredibly selfish, some of the things I witnessed this week left me wishing I was still in my own little bubble of sunshine and rainbows. This brings me to the integral assessment. I think my weaknesses and levels of development fall under the interpersonal and worldly aspects. I tend to shut myself in and I guess choose not to acknowledge bad things in the world, maybe it's a defense mechanism, I'm really not sure. When things do happen, I feel helpless, sad, and stress about them for long periods of time. I can say prayers, but it just seems like I want to do more, and I want to "fix" everything, but emotionally I just can't handle it. I feel like this week, all this awareness around me, is really filled with sadness. I hope that it's just been an exhausting week, and after catching up on some much needed rest, I will see the good in everything again. I really kinda like that part of me much better.
I had trouble with this weeks exercises, especially the universal loving kindness one. It stated to close your eyes and enter into the natural ease of your mind and body for a couple minutes and then repeat the phrase for ten minutes. I have a lot going on right now, stress with my mother being in the hospital and not doing well is really taking its toll on me right now. I could not concentrate long enough to remember the words. I have so many thoughts in my mind right now that are overwhelming and trying to focus on anything else almost seems impossible. I would have to constantly keep opening my eyes to read and re-read what it was I was supposed to say and repeat. Therefore I kept shifting out of the natural ease of my mind and body. Maybe I never actually gained that sense though, and I actually think that was the case. But I do plan to try this one again when I can concentrate more. I am the same as you in many ways. I have often wanted to escape into a bubble where nobody can hurt me and the hurt in the world will not effect me. I don't like to watch television or the news because I just feel it causes more turmoil within myself so I barely watch it at all unless it is a funny show or something. I over analyze everything as well and the sadness seems to consume me. That's why I like to try my best to remain positive as I can always find a positive in any situation but focusing on the positive rather than the negative is trying at times. Wish you the best of luck in seeing the good in everything once again.
ReplyDeleteHello Gina: Things always seem worse when we are tired. I can relate to how your feeling. When I think too much about things that worry me or make me sad I also shut them out to make them go away. When I see homeless people with animals I cannot look at them because I feel so sorry for the animals and I want to take the dog from them. I will often think about how it would be without my parents around, as they are aging and this makes me sad. I tend to over analyze things too. I guess that is why people stay busy so that they do not have time to think about sad things. I do not really know the answer but this exercise was difficult for me too. I could not really meditate while doing this exercise because like you, it made me think about too many things which made me worry as well.
ReplyDeleteKeep thinking positive and sleep does help us cope better.
Cherie